Finally, some thought-provoking substance:

A few weeks ago I was very troubled about my past. Not all of it of course, but the little bits and pieces that effect my relationship with Christ.

Upon reading this verse in Matthew, "³²Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come." (Matthew 12:32)  I became overwhelmed with the fear that I was not good enough for the love of Christ.  That I had in some form of disbelief from my childhood, ruined any chance I had in being in relationship with Christ.

I was absolutely terrified that I was going to be left high and dry because of what I had unknowingly committed as an unbeliever.  Who was I to say what I did and did not say or think when I was away from God?  I had no recollection of ever spiting the Holy Spirit, but I had betrayed Jesus before, I had been Peter and denied him many times.  What redemption could come of such a thing?  God forgives all, he loves all.  I always fought for the belief of an all loving God who loves and accepts us passed our fallacies and our stubbornness; but what type of reading had I done to have missed this crucial piece of information?

How could an all-loving God not forgive someone who does not know?  But of course that is Justified in Romans as Paul says that every human knows of God, not one is innocent when it comes to the knowledge of Christ and God's all-consuming glory.  Paul wrote, "¹⁸ For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, ¹⁹ because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. ²⁰ For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse..." (Romans 1:18-20)  All who live, breathe, and walk are knowledgeable of God's glory.  His creation is all-encompassing and self-evident.  Therefore none can claim that they know not.  

Therefore, I was at fault for anything I had ever done, was I not? So, confused as I was about how God could not love me for such a sin I had committed, knowing but not understanding, I decided to write about it.  I was writing in my "Love" notebook, (In which the Love is Agape and all about my Love for and from the Father.)  I was pouring out my heart to god in my written word, about how lost I was in the words that so harshly came from my Saviour's mouth-- when suddenly I came to the realization that I needed to calm down and not worry about what God was going to do.  God has his own plans and his own time, but more importantly, God has me in his hands.  I've felt God, I've known his presence many a time- and yet I was fretting about his denial of me.  How could God, an All-loving creator, who gave His only son for me, hold me and still deny me?  It made no sense.  God showed me how absolutely ludicrous I was being by giving me a huge "duh!" moment.

Jesus said not to worry throughout all of Matthew six. Do not worry- what a statement.  I never even got to finish writing how I felt on the subject because God interceded so quickly. (After weeks of prayer.)  If I had felt the life of God, the wonder and awe of His presence in my life, how could I even begin to feel that he would abandon me? If He was going to, and if I had blasphemed against the spirit in my past and was unforgivable, wouldn't He have never shown himself to me?  Wouldn't he not be so prominent in my life right now? 

I questioned myself for my stupidity, and I thanked God profusely for loving me past my unnecessary freak outs.  He worked so quickly, and in a way that made me realize so much about myself, and life.

God is Good.

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